lilo says

2012-01-28T23:21:00.000-06:00

this week was tough. i was supposed to get an answer from the school but i didn't. we found a house for rent that we really liked and the owner was nowhere to be found. i got my period. i got really bad headaches. K suddenly remember that he's two now, so he has to hacerle honor a los terrible two and drive me crazy. it was a tough week. but finally yesterday we got the house! (we have to wait until they finish painting it on monday) and i detached myself from the idea of working at that place and i know now that if it doesn't happen, something better is in store for me. i'm still anxious to make a home and get into a routine of sorts. i wasn't like that when i was younger, i could live out of a suitcase for months and not care about it. i could crash someone's couch/house/apartment and be ok with it. but now it's me and 2 other people. we need space. we make a lot of noise. we take up a lot of room. and our hosts have been nothing but generous, and loving, and patient and they love our little situation (k). we are so thankful. but it's so nice that soon we'll have a little space of our own. i can't wait to get to know the neighborhood. and decorate k's room (he's going to have his own room for the first time in his life). and go to the feria on sundays and get tons of fruits and veggies so that my husband can make us delicious meals.

it's a colorful world

2012-01-19T16:13:00.000-06:00

7 AM:

kian: mama! MAMAAA!
(i pretend to be asleep)
kian: papa! PAPAAA!
paul: yes? (opening his eyes)
kian: let's go!
paul: where?
kian: mmmm! (to eat)
paul: what do you want for breakfast?
kian: uvas! purple! apple! red!

(he's obsessed with colors and names the color of every object he sees. all. day. long.)

home is where we are

2012-01-18T23:30:00.000-06:00

we started our life together in a small house where the living/dining room and kitchen were one long hall. i remember picking out couches that would fit the narrow space. our room was a good size, had two closets and a very old AC. next to the dining room there was a door that led to the backyard, where a hammock hang from a lemon tree to the wall. there was also a small bedroom and bathroom out there, which we used for storage, except that one time we had a guest stay over (pobrecito). not many people could fit in this house, but we still liked it and enjoyed it. it was a great first place to be sharing. we had a couple of mouse incidents in that house. we had a puppy with us for about 5 months. i got him around my birthday, a co-worker gave it to me, and he looked like the dog from a toilet paper commercial so we named him T.P. At the end of that year we were traveling to CR so we left him at a friend's place and never got him back. he was happy there and i guess we were happier without him? i know... bad pet owners!

after that summer we went back with my sister in law and we shared a house with her. we rented a big house with 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, a dining room, a big backyard and smaller front yard. that was such a fun house. we had friends over all the time and we played a lot of board games. we also played hide and seek in the dark a few times which was lots of fun. we even made a scary movie which i ended up losing the tape (so sad about that). i also remember my well deserved winter break watching lost, episode after episode. we had a couple of fun parties too. for my 25th birthday we had a casino theme party and for halloween we had a costume party. for my sis-in-law's birthday we threw her a surprise party. that was such a fun house. during that time i got addicted to coffee and shisha. but it was worth it... i got to know my sister-in-law (and other people) over coffee and shisha.

after the summer we moved to a small apartment where we continued to have friends over and play board games all the time. it was on the first floor but had a little balcony. there was a pool nearby that we barely used. but it was a cute little apartment. i remember the orchid that paul gave me for my birthday, it was so beautiful. i remember a few orange walls that i had to learn to like because we refused to paint them. i remember a visit from one of my best friends in high school. other not so happy memories come to mind too.

we moved out of house 3 during the fast. a couple of months later we learned that i was pregnant, so house 4 will always be remembered as kian's first home. it was kind of a weird, old house, but it had its charm i guess. a big front yard with a mango tree, an avocado tree and a coconut tree. a sink where i gave kian baths when it was hot. the neighborhood was a bit sketchy and i got mugged once in front of the house but it was ok. there was a great bakery around the block that we went to often. we had a few visitors stay with us in the extra room. we also had a mouse incident once (luckily a few days before we moved out). i only have good memories of that house, except a few leaks we had at the beginning. it makes me a little sad though to remember the good times we had with a, c and their baby girl. how everything ended up so bad between them and we had no idea what was going on. i'm thankful for their friendship while it lasted.

after almost 2 years of being there we moved in with my sister. she had an extra room and her husband was going to be gone most of the time because of work. at her house we celebrated kian's first birthday. he learned to walk there. he loved to be with his cousins all the time and the yard... oh, i miss that yard. after two months my sister's mother in law offered us to move into her house (right behind my sister's) while she was outside of the country. it was a big, fancy house. we had good times there. i'll always be thankful for the opportunity of living there, close to my sister and her family, before leaving bolivia. i'm pretty sure we'll never live in the same city again (you never know though). this is the house where kian became a toddler. where he learned so many things.

we haven't started looking for house number 6 yet, but i'm excited about creating new memories.

words

2012-01-16T08:48:00.000-06:00

i love blogs. some blogs i love because of the amazing pictures. others because of the funny stories they tell. sometimes i go from blog to blog... for hours. i think it entertains me more than watching tv. i love when i find posts with beautiful writing and beautiful thoughts, like this one:

(From Stay Forever Sunday)

Marriage.

I hate when we argue, but most often, it is the thing that reminds us we are human. For so long we were a couple and then our eyes blinked closed and they opened to us with a baby on each hip, an official new title: mama. daddy. and less time than we’d ever had before for our individual selves and our relationship.

This is nothing new and it’s nothing unexpected. I remember feeling that people who reckoned themselves to giving up parts of their relationships because of their children were just flat out wrong and they weren’t trying hard enough.

But I know differently now. Because we try as hard as you can imagine to stay connected to one another while keeping all of our plates spinning, little bodies washed, bellies fed, naptimes and bedtimes on schedule and on any given day, it’s hard as hell to feel like I’ve been really, truly inside of your head and arms and mouth.

So when there have been too many moments since your arms wrapped around my shoulders or I’ve rubbed the scruff of your chin against my forehead, we sometimes find ourselves tearing away at one another because all the frustration has to go somewhere and we’re each other’s easiest and most accessible target.

But when anger flashes in my eyes, when frustration flies from your lips, I am never scared. Because we built this house of our marriage to withstand a rainstorm, a flood, wind and limbs and leaves. You laid the bricks and I poured the morter. And I know that one of us will walk away. and we both will breath. and always, every single time, I’ll find that place in the curve of your body that God made just to shelter me.

So we go on, being human. Living with our imperfect selves. Recognizing each other’s weaknesses and loving despite. Creating our balance. Fighting sometimes. Forgiving always. The day in, day out of for better and for worse. Sometimes sacrificing small parts of ourselves for each other and our children and in turn receiving the overwhelming gifts of this life together.

Our one certainty: We are in this together. And you will make me cry and I will make you furious and we will laugh and live the best we can. We always make it work. Because when the dust clears we are left standing here with the each other and the truth. No other could love me as you do. No other could love you as I do.

I’ll ask “I’m stuck with you, aren’t I?” and your eyes will narrow and your lips will turn up at the corners and you’ll say “Afraid so, babe.” and it’s a beautiful thing to realize every.single.time.

Love,

M

this year

2012-01-14T11:14:00.000-06:00

i think i found a job.
since i got here i've had 7 interviews. 5 at schools, 1 at an institute, 1 at a graphic design studio. 2 schools and the institute offered me the job right away, another school said that they might be interested in hiring me in august, the graphic design studio sounded promising but they haven't gotten back yet.
but i fell in love with one of the schools and yesterday they offered me to work there. we're still working out the details but i'm pretty excited about it. i love the idea of kian going to that school. for the little ones, the program is montessori inspired, and they have yoga, gardening and swimming classes (they have their own swimming pool at the school). and they have bunnies!! how cool is that? it's a very small school (less than 100 students) and they offered me to work in the administration (substitute teaching whenever needed).
so i keep picturing our days... i know soon i'll be ready for a break but right now i can't wait to get into a daily routine. find a home. have a schedule. plan play dates.
things i want to do this year:
- have an organized home.
- have a cleaning schedule (i'm going to miss our awesome cleaning lady we had in bolivia)
- find time to work out regularly
- go to the beach at least once a month
- save for an awesome vacation (either in california or here with 2 little californians coming to visit -and their parents i guess!)

homeless

2012-01-11T00:22:00.000-06:00

it's been over a month since we are here and although we're comfortable, i need a home. a place to decorate and arrange furniture (that we don't have yet). a place where we can paint without me being scared of kian running off and getting the walls dirty.
we're probably not going to have it for another few weeks (hopefully not months!) so i can just keep on daydreaming about it...

speaking of daydreams when we were at the beach a couple of days ago every time i saw a little girl running around i pictured k and k playing at the beach together. i know it's going to happen... i can't wait!

it's funny how i get so nervous talking in public (even (or specially) when i know most people in the audience) but i don't get nervous at all during job interviews. tomorrow i have another one. the sixth one so far (i think). i turned down a couple of jobs. i know that something better is out there... something that will make me happy.

i cut my hair today. for the first time in years, it's shoulder length. i feel about 2 kilos lighter.

6 years

2012-01-10T00:37:00.000-06:00

on Saturday we celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary.

we spent the day at the beach and i decided i always want to live close to the ocean. (by close i mean less than 6 hours in a car and by ocean i mean one in which you can actually get in and it's not freezing). i never realized how much i love it because it's not something i grew up with. but i do love it. i love the sand under my feet, salty lips and beautiful sunsets.

marriage can be such a gift!

on parenting

2012-01-05T00:02:00.000-06:00

i was thinking about why it's so hard for me to listen to advice on parenting. it's hard to admit it, because it sounds so egocentric... but it's not because i think i know everything... it's because i truly believe that every single child is so different, that something might work for one but not the other, and every parent is different, every family is different and no one knows a child better than his/her own parents. i also have a hard time giving advice when asked because what can be a solution for me may cause a bigger problem for you, and i wouldn't want to be responsible for that.
but at the same time i know that others' experiences can be a source of knowledge and learning... so i guess it is really good to share our experiences. i like that. i like sharing. i don't like advice so much because it comes with an expectation that one must follow that piece of advice.

these past couple of weeks I've been thinking a lot about parenting and all the decisions that come with it. I'm well aware of all the joys and all the amazing-ness that come with being a parent, but i've been thinking more about the challenges and all the difficult moments that parents go through.
my son just turned two and i'm beginning to question my attitude towards parenting... i'm trying to be more conscious of what i do and say and trying to think what kind of mom i want to be. up until now it's all been very intuitive and basic. i've been following my instincts. having a baby is all about making sure he's safe, fed, clothed, clean... it's about being gentle and loving and warm. all these things that have come so natural to me since he was born...
but he's not a baby any more. he's a toddler now and his needs have changed/grown. and soon he's going to start talking and asking question, and one day i'll wake up and he'll be a teenager. so there comes a point when intuition is not enough. love is not enough. hugs and sweet words are not enough. he also needs discipline, and role models to follow, and so many qualities to develop, and talents to discover and make use of, and friendships, and self confidence, and faith, and knowledge, and...
i can't give him everything he needs. (that's probably why they say it takes a whole village to raise a child!)
his world is starting to open up to people outside mom and dad. and it's so scary too... because so many things are not in my hands, i can't have control over his entire life, i can't protect him from every little and big thing that happens to him.
i want him to have a happy childhood. to have fun and sweet memories of games, trips, family, silly fights with siblings, birthdays, holy day traditions, art projects, summers spent with cousins, friendships, a sense of community... all the things i had and more.
(now i can focus in his childhood... then i'll worry about his teenage years!)
i want to be the kind of mom that encourages him to be creative, to be loving to every one he meets (even the little boy who pushes him around in the playground), but to also be firm and confident and stand up for himself and others. i want him to grow up being sensitive to the needs of others and proactive in finding ways to be of service. i want him to be gentle and kind and trustworthy. i want him to have meaningful friendships/relationships. i want him to find God on his own. i want him to be happy and thankful, and humble. i want him to appreciate nature, art, music...
but most of all i want to be the mother who accepts him and loves him above all. even if he doesn't end up having all those qualities i admire... i know he'll have others. and i want to be able to recognize them and encourage them. and never stop feeling proud of him.
i guess the best i can do right now is to practice myself all those things i want for him. to show him by example what is like to be creative, kind, loving, trustworthy, etc... and pray that through all my imperfections, he'll find bits and pieces of good... and what he doesn't find in me, he'll find in his dad, his teachers, his aunts and uncles, his grandparents, his friends... and once he's older, in the writings... i can only hope, without expecting anything from him, without forcing him.

this space

2012-01-03T13:29:00.000-06:00

these past few days (weeks... months?) i've been feeling my mind getting heavier and heavier. i'm realizing now that i need this. i need a space to let my mind breath, to get out thoughts... dreams, goals, memories, questions... journaling is very therapeutic. and i guess i need it these days. because family and close friends are far (so far) away. because my surroundings have changed and i can't help but feel a little lost at times. because a new chapter is starting to unfold and i have no clue as to how it's going to play out...

when one becomes responsible for someone else's life, some things have to be sacrificed... time becomes even more relative, weeks pass by without notice but thirty minutes go by so slow sometimes... showers need to be shorter and naps a little longer to make up for the interrupted sleep. and now, two years into this parenthood thing, i'm just starting to feel comfortable with this new definition of myself. i'm a mom. but i love the fact that it doesn't completely define who i am. it's just that for now, this is the most important role i get to play. one day he (and hopefully his siblings) will be all grown up and they won't need me as much. so i do want to take full advantage of this precious years, but i can't forget that i'm not only a mom, i'm still a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend... i'm still this person who needs some kind of creative outlet, who needs time to meditate and pray, to make plans and set goals, to feel inspired.

the little things

2011-08-02T19:18:00.000-06:00

i keep making a mental list of all the things i don't want to forget about kian these days. he's almost 20 months old now and he's growing and learning new things every day.
- he still loves to play with balls. he kicks it and screams GOOOOL! sometimes grabbing his shirt like the soccer players do to celebrate a goal (his cousins taught him to do that). he sees a soccer game on the TV and he screams gol too.
- he loves to play with paul's ipad and now he thinks that any screen is a touchscreen. sometimes even books. there's a game where he has to flick a ball, so when he sees a ball in a book, he flicks it.
- he loves to read books together and can spend a good half an hour looking at books and pointing at everything so i name whatever he's pointing at.
- he has a fascination with the moon, and it's one of the few words he says all the time "noon". he looks for the moon in books and when we are drawing he asks me to draw a moon. any circular or semi circular shape is a moon to him, even the smile in smiley faces is a moon.
- he's a pretty good eater most days but somedays he's not interested in food. he loves raisins, bananas, rice, quinua...
- he can point to his nose, ears, eyes, mouth, hair, feet, hands and belly, when asked to, in both english and spanish.
- he likes to clean up after himself, when he spills his drink, he gets a rag to clean it.
- he recognizes the sound of an airplane and points to the sky when he hears it.
- he can do some animal sounds... cow, duck, rooster, monkey, elephant. he recognizes a lot of animals in pictures.
- he doesn't mind giving kisses to people (although he just puts his lips on their cheek without making any sound or he puts his cheek against their lips)
- he likes to say "knock knock" and knock on whatever is next to him, or on himself.
- he likes to brush his teeth.
- when we go to sleep i say two prayers, one in english and one in spanish, always the same two, and when i'm done i say good night and he leans over to kiss me.

still here

2011-03-31T19:05:00.001-06:00

the little baby that came out of me more than a year ago is pretty much all gone... in his place there's a little boy walking around the house, blabbering and making us laugh. at times i catch a glimpse of the little baby that he once was, i watch him sleep and remember the days when he still fit perfectly cradled between my arms. it's amazing to think that he was once inside of me, that my heartbeat was probably his first lullaby.

i get frustrated sometimes because he can be a little too determined (some people would say stubborn) but i still think he's the sweetest little boy in the world. when i ask him for a kiss he leans over and puts his cheek on my lips. or his eyes. or his forehead. he loves cuddles and hugs but he also loves to walk freely and without holding my hand.

the little boy has a sense of humor of his own. the other day he was eating a cracker and paul asked him for a little piece. he would put the cracker right next to paul's mouth and when paul would go to take a bite, he would take it away quickly and start laughing. cracked us up.

during the week i go to work at 6:45 am and paul stays with kian. i'm told they usually wake up around 7, have breakfast, play, take a shower and around 9 paul drops him off at doña fatima's place, she lives across the street from my work, she loves kian, and he loves her so it works out great. around 12 or 1 i pick him up. some days we go to have lunch at paul's restaurant and then he gives us a ride home where we spend the rest of the afternoon playing around. some days we come straight home, go shopping or somewhere else and then at night we go pick up paul from work. kian loves to go out and be with other people. when he's tired he only wants us, but he's usually very friendly. paul is finally doing what he's always wanted, and in the meantime learning more about himself and what he wants to do in the future. i miss having him at home during the day but i'm happy he's happy and doing what he loves.

kian's all time favorite toy is (still) a ball, any ball. he sees a ball and immediately goes to grab it, throw it around, kick it around. makes his dad very proud. those two love each other and that love is probably the sweetest thing i've ever witnessed. makes me fall in love all over again. everyday. like lucy in 50 first dates.

alicia keys

2010-11-12T21:39:00.001-06:00

lei just sent me a link to alicia keys' blog and even though i've always loved her, reading this made me love her more!... she wrote...

"Every moment is beautiful; delicious even! Every moment I'm learning and living in a way I never have before. Being present in a way I never have before. Existing in moments I never have before.

Never have I felt so calm, so purposeful in taking the time to truly observe the world around me, to live in it fully and watch it, discuss it, put time toward it. It feels really incredible - so peaceful, so complete and long overdue.

I'm grown, I'm confident, I'm secure, and so blessed to be these things.

I'm most enamored with anatomy at this point. The miracle of the human body. The ability to create all these small amazing machines of veins, capillaries, digestive systems, eyes, ears and noses. I can spend HOURS looking at one little EAR! Have u ever noticed how complex just an ear is? A tiny maze of art. It may sound silly but it's so true. Or a heartbeat? Everyday we wake up and in some way, take for granted the fact that this beautiful pulsating organ in our body is the reason, and yet now that's all I can think of...

And breath; invisible as it may be, how necessary!

Ain't it true that things we really can't see are of the greatest importance?

I've never seen a more beautiful face in my LIFE! The most perfect eyes and beautiful nose, the sweetest lips and skin so soft and kissable!

Never have I felt such disbelief, such awe, humility, godliness, such strength, power and possibility.

I've never believed in greatness and the never ending Higher Power more than now!

And I can't believe he's mine!"

Sunday pictures

2010-10-24T22:16:00.001-06:00

Sunday was spent playing on the grass

sitting on the grass

eating the grass

being really cute (on the grass)

meeting new creatures

touching them

following them around

LOVING the turtles... not so much the rabbits

until realizing how soft they are

Little Kian is not so little anymore.

2010-10-23T08:50:00.004-06:00

Dear Kian, last week you turned 10 months old. 10 is such a big number. and it's so close to 12.

i'm not sad about you growing so fast, i'm amazed, surprised sometimes. but i'm not sad. and i'm not scared either. i love watching you grow.

you have such an awesome personality. you're calm and content most of the day, but you also know how to let us know when you're not happy about something. when something doesn't go your way you throw your arms up and down but you're also very easily entertained and we can make you forget what you wanted on the first place just by showing you a toy or trying to tickle you. you're so ticklish. under the chin and neck are the best spots to make you laugh.

another thing about your personality that i love is how serious you get sometimes. and you give this look that is so grown up, so mature. and i can imagine you in 20 years giving me that very same look.

i love how curious you are. and i know all babies are curious by nature but i love watching you explore things, touch them, analyze them... i love how you tilt your head to the side or how you turn your head when you're following something or someone with your eyes.

you're getting into everything these days and it's getting a little hard to keep up with you but i think you understand the meaning of "no". i just can't wait for the day that you stop putting everything you find in your mouth.

10 months came with new teeth and new moves, you recently started to pull yourself up and dancing to music, you're also crawling with your stomach off the floor (although i loved your army crawl, your clothes don't get so dirty anymore).

this month also came with a big change, you suddenly stopped breastfeeding. and it was pretty clear that you wanted to stop. and you know, it was so easy and natural how it all happened from the beginning that it also had to end like that.

kian, you're so much work but you're so much fun, and love, and laughs, and cuddles, and smiles, and happiness.

i love you more every day.

2010-10-16T12:29:00.001-06:00

desde que empezó a gatear si nos distraemos desaparece...

Hace unos días empezó a levantarse solito...

and he does this really funny laugh that sounds like a dolphin...

me encanta cuando los bebés descubren como usar sus dedos y señalan o tocan todo con un dedito.

so sleepy...

2010-10-15T10:37:00.001-06:00

last night was the longest night EVER. before the first 2 teeth cut through (a couple of months ago) kian was a little fussy but it wasn't a big deal. now he's getting his top front teeth and he's in PAIN. last night he kept waking up crying and screaming... poor baby. paul and kian are taking a nap now... i need one too!

2010-10-12T05:18:00.000-06:00

weekend

2010-10-11T09:06:00.000-06:00

weekends have a new meaning now. they used to mean sleeping in and endless naps. kian doesn't know the difference between week days and weekends so he still wakes up around 7 am. i still love weekends. i love seeing kian a little surprised to see paul having breakfast with us. i love when paul takes kian with him and i get to stay in bed a little longer.

this weekend: on saturday we went to have lunch at the anello-gates' where paul spent the afternoon playing wii, gogo (or something like that) and soccer:

franco is wearing glasses now (only to watch TV) and he looks even older... he's gotten so big. everytime i see him and sebas i can't stop thinking that i'll blink and kian will be as big as they are now.

on sunday we went to a small town called porongo (!) and on the way there we stopped by a "lake". (wait, what's the difference between a lago and a laguna? this was supposed to be a laguna)

bolivia has beautiful places and amazing landscapes but i guess none of them are that close to santa cruz.

and last night i received a belated birthday gift from laila (my awesome sister-in-law) who gave me tickets to go see alejandro sanz!!!!! it was the best surprise ever. i didn't expect it at all and i got so excited i felt like a teenager again :D the concert is on the 21st. i can't wait!

baby zoolander

2010-10-09T22:47:00.000-06:00

ayer

2010-10-08T08:59:00.000-06:00

aunque no parezca le encantó esta comidita. era remolacha con zanahorias y pollo. terminó todo de color rojo asi que aproveché que hacía calor y le di un bañito afuera en la pileta...

más tarde fuimos a comprarle algunos juguetes porque todos los que tenía eran para bebés más pequeños asi que fuimos en búsqueda de unos un poco más interactivos o entretenidos que sirvan para algo más que solo morderlos. hablando de juguetes, en algún momento pensé que me gustaría que kian solo tenga juguetes hechos de madera o tela y artesanales que los encuentro mucho más bonitos que los de plástico. ahora me doy cuenta que es medio imposible principalmente porque no se encuentran, y si hay, son mucho más caros... de todas formas también creo que los niños no necesitan decenas de juguetes para entretenerse y además pueden jugar con cualquier cosa que se les de. por ejemplo a kian le encanta jugar con botellas. anyway... aunque no me gusten tanto los juguetes de plástico tengo que reconocer que me encantan los little people.

racimo de estrellas

2010-10-07T18:57:00.000-06:00

mientas kian y yo estábamos en los estados, unos días antes de nuestra llegada, paul arregló todo el jardín y puso estas plantitas abajo de la ventana de la cocina. ahora estan llenas de florcitas con forma de estrellas (o así las veo yo). cada vez que las veo me dan ganas de sonreir.

showing off his teeth

2010-10-07T11:13:00.000-06:00

2 pictures and some predictions...

2010-09-27T20:43:00.000-06:00

lua and kian chilling

they have the same hairdo

the other day i read the cutest letter written for a one year old... his grandmother was making predictions about what he would be in the future... it was pretty funny.
of course i had to think about kian and his future profession... these are my predictions:
1. a chef: many times paul has taken him into the kitchen and sat him in his stroller while he cooks, explaining step by step what he's doing... kian seems pretty interested.
2. a physicist: he seems pretty fascinated by the law of gravity. you give him a toy, he looks at it, throws it to the ground and watches it go down... you give it back to him and he throws it again... and again and again.
3. a professional swimmer: he loves the water, the swimming pool and when he's on the floor he kicks like he's swimming.
4. a soccer player (or a soccer fan but that's not a profession!): he's been exposed to soccer games on tv daily since before he was born. hmmm... maybe a sports journalists?
5. a pilot or a flight attendant: he's not even a year old and he's already been on 6 flights and he loved every single one (or at least he didn't mind them)
6. a soldier: he crawls like he's in a war zone.
7. a model: just cause he's so cute!

i can't think of anymore right now... whatever he becomes i hope it's something he loves! (ya tenía q decir algo cursi...) aunque ojalá no sea ni el 6 ni el 7! jaja

another move

2010-09-25T23:57:00.000-06:00

as of yesterday kian can get himself from laying down on his tummy to sitting! i love watching every one of his moves.

letter to kian: 9 months old!

2010-09-18T10:03:00.000-06:00

dear kian, yesterday you turned 9 months old. time goes by fast and soon you'll be one year old. i keep daydreaming about a birthday party for you. i've always done that, look forward to things... it used to drive me crazy how it was so hard for me to focus on the present because i was always looking forward to what will happen in the future... i like to think that's one of the things you're helping me change... you're making me enjoy the moment as it happens. i still think about the future a lot, but it's mostly because it's fun to imagine what will happen, where we'll be, what we'll be doing, and i do have a very active imagination. but i'm a lot more present, a lot more conscious of the right here and right now. this is it. and i'm enjoying every second of every day.
i had no idea it would be like this. before you were born i had no idea how natural motherhood would be. i find it a little strange how people have been doing this for thousands and thousands of years and somehow everything has become so complicated that most people are actually scared of being parents. and they let fear and insecurity take over. when in reality being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. perhaps i'm over simplifying things but that makes it easier than over complicating things... ha!
i guess what i'm trying to say is that i hope i always feel this way. i hope we always have this bond. i hope we keep things simple. i'll always be your mom and you'll always be my son, my first born. i love you and i loved this past 9 months. whatever the future brings... i'm totally enjoying your babyhood right now. happy 9 months!

life with kian...

2010-09-07T21:19:00.000-06:00

has been a busy one! he's going to be nine months old next week and i can't believe how fast time goes by and how fast he's growing and learning new things.
our trip to costa rica and the us was amazing. he did so much better than i could have expected... i was really nervous about flying with him but every flight was great and at least one person (specially flight attendants) in each flight commented on how well behaved he was. one of them said that in his 10 years as a flight attendant he had never seen a baby so quiet and content as kian... i was so proud of him! he only had a hard time on a bus ride (7 hours from paso canoas to san jose) but it was probably because he had a cold and a bad cough. he was also great meeting new people and being around a lot of new faces... i wish he could remember this trip in the future, but at least we'll have the pictures and we can tell him about the first time he went to the beach, the first he got in a swimming pool, the first time he met aunts, uncles, and cousins and how much love he received from everyone.
as soon as we got back his first tooth came out and i was so thankful that it waited till we got here to come out cause poor baby was in pain. the second tooth came out after a few days so now he has two bottom teeth... they look so cute.
he's been eating a lot! especially after his 8 month check up when the doctor told us to give him more food. he's weight is fine (10 kg.) but he was definitely ready for more solids. his schedule (most days) go something like this: wakes up around 6:30 am (when paul wakes up) nurses a little and goes back to sleep, gets up around 7:30-8 has breakfast (fruit, cereal or yogurt), plays for a while, snack around 10 (fruit), nurse and short nap, lunch around 1, play some more, another nursing session and nap around 4, dinner around 6:30, bath, nursing and bed time around 9:30. he got used to sleeping next to me during the trip and waking up in the middle of the night to have some milk so now we're working on getting used to going the whole night with no milk like he used to do before the trip... so far it's been 3 days of sleeping through the night with no interruptions... although this morning he woke up at 5 am. :s
these past few days he's really started moving around a lot. he kind of crawls... he still can't get his tummy off the ground yet but he can definitely go from one place to another. paul put a big carpet on the living room where we put some toys for kian to play with... until today he would stay on the carpet... today he started going from one side to the other and realized the floor is more slippery than the carpet so he likes that better...
what else? so far (or as far as i remember) he's eaten fruits (apple, banana, pear, guayaba, papaya, melon, tangerine, mango), veggies (squash, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes, peas, spinach), cereals (rice cereal and cereal puffs) and lentils, and yogurt.
while i was in california i got a baby book and i'm proud to say i already filled it up. it was a little hard going through thousands of pictures and picking favorites but it was a lot of fun going back and seeing how little kian used to be and how much he's changed in just 8 months.
sometimes i can't believe how much love i have for this little guy and it makes me a little nervous thinking about (sometime in the future) having another one... would i love them just the same? how can so much love be possible?? but i'm sure that just as our hearts grew a little bigger to make room for kian when he was born, they'll grow a little more for the next one too. right? sounds good to me.
ok...time to go to bed!

sharing

2010-06-13T11:01:00.000-06:00

en las mañanas Kian se despierta y lo traigo a nuestra cama... a veces se vuelve a dormir, otras se queda despierto y nos quedamos ahi conversando.
hoy agarró su chupete y lo puso en mi boca. me reí y le dije, no thank you, and he gave me a cute toothless smile.

a proud dad :)

2010-05-23T22:47:00.000-06:00

"If Kian isn't the best baby in the world, he's definitely in the top five." -Paul

el tiempo pasa...

2010-05-23T22:45:00.000-06:00

un mes en la vida de un bebé quizás sea como un año en la vida de un adulto porque aprenden y cambian tan rápido... Kian sigue creciendo y cada vez lo conocemos un poco más. ya sabemos cuando está cansado, cuando tiene hambre, cuando está aburrido... ya reconocemos sus miradas y los ruidos que hace. aunque también al mismo tiempo que crece, cambia... ya no le gusta mucho estar acostado, prefiere estar sentado o parado (con ayuda, obvio), incluso cuando necesita un poco de ayuda para quedarse dormido.

en las mañanas, casi siempre, se despierta de buen humor, sonríe y conversa. duerme siestas durante todo el día, a veces de 20 minutos, a veces de 2 horas. al llegar la noche se pone más serio y muy pocas personas pueden hacerlo sonreir. a las 10 generalmente es su última leche y se duerme hasta las 6, 7, u 8.
creo que le encanta salir a pasear, se distrae y está más tranquilo generalmente. creo que a veces se aburre de estar todo el día en la casa y ver las mismas dos caras. a veces se pone inquieto, especialmente si tiene hambre. todavía le encanta bañarse aunque estas últimas semanas que ha hecho frío ya no lo bañamos todas las noches.

cada vez se interesa más por los juguetes que le ofrecemos. por ahora lo que más le gusta son los links que eran de keilani. los agarra, los mira, se los pone en la boca...
a veces cuando está muy cansado o no puede dormir y llora le canto la oración "is there any remover of difficulties save God?" y se queda en silencio escuchandome. que bueno que todavía no diferencia una voz desafinada de una afinada!
obviamente que es mi hijo y me parece el bebé más hermoso y más bueno y más todo del mundo! pero de verdad agradezco todos los días que sea como es, que muy pocas veces he sentido frustración/impaciencia/desesperación/impotencia.

algunas cosas que han pasado desde la última vez que escribi algo acá:
-le sacamos carnet de identidad y ya está en proceso su pasaporte americano y birth certificate
-festejamos el cumple de su primo Franco (y mientras veía a unos 10 niños de entre 8 y 10 años corriendo por todos lados pensaba que no quiero que Kian crezca!!!!)
-festejamos el cumple de su tía Laila
-su primer corte de pelo (en realidad un mechoncito que Paul le cortó pq se le había hecho un nudo enorme)
-su primer pic nic
-estuvo de visita su tía Zay

y no se me ocurre que más!

another moment i don't want to forget

2010-04-13T22:14:00.000-06:00

hoy por primera vez kian se rio a carcajadas. más de una vez. por un buen rato. estabamos en la casa de nadia y willy. primero mientras lo cambiaba, después con willy. increible pensar que fue la primera de millones de risas que ojalá tendrá en su vida... ojalá que su futuro esté lleno de risas!
just when i thought he couldn't be any cuter... he proves me wrong :)

Abril

2010-04-07T22:18:00.000-06:00

Este mes se cumple 1 año desde que Kian llegó a nuestras vidas. 8 meses en mi panza, más 4 meses fuera, son 12 meses... 1 año! Qué rápido pasa el tiempo...
Lo mejor del embarazo fueron las noches, cuando sentíamos sus patadas. Nunca dejó de sorprenderme cuando se movía. Pero a pesar de lo bonito que fue el embarazo, nada se compara con tenerlo acá afuera!

Hoy mientras manejaba de vuelta de la U estaba pensando en las cosas que me encantan de mi hijo (todavía me parece raro decirlo), una lista que se seguirá completando seguramente toda la vida... (estaba pensando eso porque la otra vez vi el blog de una señora que escribía las 25 cosas favoritas de sus 4 hijos adultos y me pareció re tierno) anyway... una lista incompleta:

- cuando se despierta de sus siestas en las tardes y se queda en silencio mirando alrededor, como esperando a que alguien se de cuenta que se despertó
- sus sonrisas
- su seriedad
- cuando levanta una ceja
- cuando (cree que) conversa
- como me mira a los ojos mientras le doy leche
- cuando termina de comer y sonríe o "dice" algo y yo imagino que me está agradeciendo y le digo "you're welcome!" y sonríe
- que le encanta bañarse
- que duerme toda la noche (desde hace como 1 mes)
- cuando se ríe a carcajadas dormido

me encanta su pelo suavecito y desordenado!

control de crecimiento (ayer fuimos al doctor)

2010-03-24T13:28:00.000-06:00

Recién nacido:

peso: 3.510 kg.
talla: 51 cm.
cabeza: 34 cm.

1 mes:

peso: 4.010 kg.
talla: 53 cm.
cabeza: 37 cm.

2 meses:

peso: 5.845 kg.
talla: 58 cm.
cabeza: 40 cm.

3 meses:

peso: 7.090 kg.
talla: 62 cm.
cabeza: 41 cm.

2010-03-22T20:54:00.000-06:00

a quote

2010-03-18T14:49:00.000-06:00

"While they are at your side, love these little ones to the uttermost. Forget yourself: Serve them; care for them; lavish all your tenderness on them. Value your good fortune while it is with you, and let nothing of the sweetness of their babyhood go unprized. Not for long will you keep the happiness that now lies within your reach. You will not always walk in the sunshine with a little warm, soft hand nestling in each of yours, nor hear little feet pattering beside you, and eager baby voices questioning and prattling of a thousand things with ceaseless excitement. Not always will you see that trusting face upturned to yours, feel those little arms about your neck, and those tender lips pressed upon your cheek, nor will you have that tiny form to kneel beside you, and murmur baby prayers into your ear.
Love them and win their love, and shower on them all the treasures of your heart. Fill up their days with happiness, and share with them their mirth and innocent delights.
Childhood is but for a day. Ere you are aware it will be gone with all its gifts for ever."
-George Townsend

(found here)

letter to Kian, 3 months

2010-03-18T08:14:00.000-06:00

Dear Kian,
i love you! you're only 3 months old and can't read my words but you probably already know how much i love you. I say it about a hundred times a day and even when i don't say it, those words are in my mind. Sometimes it's hard to believe how generous God has been to me... first i found your dad, and he found me, we found each other, became friends and soon realized we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together... a few years later you came into our lives, we made you "from scratch"... God made you for us... you're this brand new soul, perfect in every single way and you are ours. i get to spend my days watching you grow, feeding you, kissing your little feet and chubby cheeks, being amazed by you.
if that's not pure generosity, i don't know what is...

happy 3 months little one!

2 months, 2 weeks, 2 days

2010-03-05T14:14:00.000-06:00

in the last few days Kian has started to talk. his favorite word is agooooo and he has the cutest little voice. he also says things like aaahhh, and ooohhhh... it's pretty entertaining. he's awake for longer periods of time during the day and he's starting to smile at us.
we already put away his newborn clothes, they look so tiny now.
my classes started so a few nights a week Kian stays with Paul, and 2 mornings a week, he stays with Laila.
he's growing and changing really fast and i'm really thankful i can stay home and be with him during this time. i have to admit it can get a little boring some days and sometimes i really need to get out of the house, but it's all worth it... i can't wait for Kian to get a little bigger so we can do more activities together (aunque seguro voy a extrañar que duerma tanto que me da tiempo para hacer otras cosas).

this is what i come back to on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (i go to class from 7 to 9 am)

check out his hand! and his eyes! he's actually noticing toys now

still loving his baths (and the tub is getting small for him)

my boys!

sleeping like a baby

2010-03-01T08:04:00.000-06:00

Last night Kian slept from 11:30 pm to 6 am. The best Ayyam-I-Há present for me! Usually he wakes up to eat around 12 am, 3 am and 6 am... that's when i usually get up and he goes back to sleep until 9... he definitely loves to sleep as much as i do, but he's got to eat too!
at night he always sleeps in his crib and on his back. but during his daytime naps, he usually sleeps on the boppy pillow and he gets a little more creative with the sleeping positions...

He likes to have company too...

baby's first Ayyám-I-Há

2010-03-01T07:38:00.000-06:00

on Friday we went out and got a couple of gifts, including a new outfit for Kian. he loves to go out during the day and falls asleep anywhere whenever he gets tired. going out at night is a different story, but it's not that bad...

on Saturday we went to the Anello's... where Paul got to play some games with Seby, Franco and Chichi.

On Sunday we had a little potluck and gift exchange at Nadia and Willy's...

And we got this cute picture from cousin Keilani

creciendo

2010-02-25T13:27:00.000-06:00

ayer Kian tuvo un día muy activo (considerando que es un bebé, claro). en la mañana fuimos a vacunarlo... cuando lo pincharon solo pegó un grito y se volvió a dormir, en la tarde estaba medio molesto pero durmió bastante. yo tenía miedo que le de fiebre pero no le dio, solo se le hinchó un poquito la pierna. en la tarde-noche fuimos al doctor para su check up de 2 meses. el doc estaba sorprendido de cuanto ha crecido. hace un mes pesaba 4.1 kg. ahora pesa 5.8! le midió la cabeza y dijo que es un poquito cabezón.. jaja... yo le respondí que tiene a quien salir... pero igual se sorprendió cuando lo puso panza abajo y Kian levantó la cabeza un montón, dijo que parece un bebé de 3 meses. de largo está midiendo 58 cm., 6 cm más de cuando nació.
después de salir del doctor fuimos al super a comprar unas cosas y como iba a ser rapido lo llevé en brazos no más. a los 15 minutos ya me dolía la espalda y le pedí a paul que lo cargue.. jaja..
definitivamente ya no es un newborn. es emocionante verlo crecer... aunque voy a extrañar verlo como recién nacido y pequeñito, se vienen etapas muy entretenidas.

loving...

2010-02-22T22:00:00.000-06:00

tiny toes curling up and down

little fists (que coleccionan pelusas)

curious bright eyes

froggy legs (getting chubbier)

cloth diapers (that turned up to be a lot easier to use than i expected, and make his little butt look huge :)

Baby's first carnaval

2010-02-20T19:58:00.000-06:00

El fin de semana pasado fue carnaval. Lo mejor del carnaval es que dan 2 días libres (lunes y martes) lo peor es que hay que cuidarse cuando uno sale para que no lo mojen ni lo pinten.
El lunes fuimos a La Guardia donde Nadia y Willy estaban cuidando la casa de Vady...
Mientras Paul se encargaba del churrasco...

Algunos nos turnamos con Kian...

Hasta que volvió con su papá...

2 months!

2010-02-17T05:38:00.000-06:00

Kian is officialy 2 months old today. Getting cuter and cuter everyday :)

almost 2 months

2010-02-15T23:24:00.000-06:00

In his first 2 months of life:

He met 3 of his aunts (Badie, Laila, Zaynab)

2 of his cousins (Sebastian, Franco)

and 3 of his grandparents (Celia, Anne, Parviz).

He sleeps most of the time.

He loves taking baths.

He loves to eat (only breastmilk).

He enjoys tummy time.

He likes car rides and staring out the window.

He seems to be enjoying life...

17 de diciembre

2010-02-14T19:56:00.001-06:00

On december 17th, Kian was born. 9 days later i was finally able to hold him in my arms, and 11 days later we brought him home. Looking back, it's as though those 11 days never happened, and i like to pretend they didn't, mostly because i don't want Kian to remember being away from us... after 8 months of being inside me and hearing our voices all the time it didn't seem fair to leave him with other people to care for him. But everything happens for a reason and now he's happy and healthy and being held and kissed and loved so much that i think we've made up for those first days...

So, on december 17th, not only we welcomed Kian into this world, but we were also welcomed into the world of parenthood, and so far, it's been amazing. We've been blessed with a happy baby who is as calm as his dad and likes to sleep as much as his mom, so we've had it pretty easy so far. I know it'll get harder, i know there are challenges ahead, but i also know that the best is yet to come, and that just blows my mind... how can it get better than this???

Hay días en que pasan cosas extraordinarias, cosas que no hacen falta escribirlas para recordarlas, pero siempre hay detalles que con el tiempo se nos escapan.

Hay otros días (la mayoría) en que cosas ordinarias pasan y por más insignificantes que parezcan en el momento, valen la pena ser recordadas, esas pequeñas alegrías que nos da lo cotidiano...

para eso es este blog, para ayudarme a no olvidar lo extraordinario y lo ordinario, lo importante y lo insignificante, lo complejo y lo sencillo de nuestros días, especialmente ahora que los compartimos con Kian.

thanksgiving

2009-11-25T19:31:00.002-06:00

tomorrow's thanksgiving. i wish i didn't have to work and i could eat pumpkin pie. i love pumpkin pie. and pecan pie. and apple pie. and pretty much any kind of pie. and cake. chocolate cake specially.

i'm thankful for:
-this little one.
-the big one who's always trying to make me feel good and cooks for us and massages my back and (most of all) loves me even when i don't deserve it.
-family, friends, and conocidos showing support and encouragement and care and love and...

less than 7 weeks and my world will turn upside down. i'm: scared. excited. happy. impatient. amazed. thankful. in love.

procrastinating

2009-11-04T18:47:00.003-06:00

1. coffee or tea: i miss having coffee every morning.
2. morning or night: night. definitely. toda la vida.
3. sweet or salty: sweet. aunque la mezcla de sweet and salty me encanta.
4. postcards or emails: postcards.
5. best childhood television program: la ola verda? xuxa? ni idea. no me acuerdo.
6. collector of: notebooks
7. choice superpower: eligiría tener un super talento antes que un superpower. like singing.
8. first thought this morning: 5 more minutes...
9. last thought before reading this: huh?
10. objects in your pocket: they're empty.
11. objects on your night table: deodorants (paul and mine), lotions (for my belly), vitamins, a jar of coins, prayer books.
12. time. elaborate. hmm... es relativo? a veces se pasa tan rápido y otras tan lento.
13. worst memory: the hospital.
14. best movie: ufff... imposible.
15. bad habit: going to bed late. eating when not hungry. procrastinating
16. best habit: smiling ?
17. greatest accomplishment: growing a human being while doing a hundred other things.
18. 3 long-term goals: being healthier, create a family, create a home.
19. celebrity crush: alejandro sanz
20. 1 thing you've changed this year: my belly.
21. first thing you notice: in people? eyes.
22. clean or messy: a little messy but trying to be clean.
23. order or chaos: order
24. greatest place to live: home
25. 5 to-do-list items: empezar y terminar trabajo práctico de diseño, redactar la entrevista a Matamba, finish Roy's design, ir a la notaria, ir a migraciones (that's my to do list for the next 18 hours, i can write a longer one for the next 48 hours)
26. 1 regret: being honest with someone... too honest maybe.
27. thing you miss most about being a kid: not worrying about deadlines.
28. thing you love most about not being a kid: being married.
29. best song of all time: imposible.
30. best song of the moment: halo de beyonce ha!
31. last book you enjoyed: the whole twilight series
32. last movie you enjoyed: julie and julia.
33. saturday nights or sunday afternoons: both! pero si hace calor, prefiero saturday night.
34. hidden talent: i don't think i have one.
35. favorite food: Paul's and Italian.
36. fav place in the house: our bed.
37. favorite person to talk to: husband.
38. re-occurring thought: next year. next move.
39. wall color: white.
40. photos or paintings: photos.

23 weeks down, 17 to go.

2009-09-15T17:53:00.003-06:00

-having a human being growing and moving inside of you has to be the weirdest, most amazing experience. if i think about it makes me feel sorry for men. pero por algo será...

-i finally have more time and more energy. it feels good.

-17 weeks... i'm not sure if i'm more excited than scared or the other way around.

today

2009-06-28T21:55:00.003-06:00

i want to be the kind of person who gets up early in the morning just to take a walk. or do yoga. or read. i want to be one of those people who see beauty more often than not and are able to capture it in some way or another. i want to enjoy food again. i want to make time to think, to pray, to meditate. i feel like i don't have the time, the space or the energy right now to be who i want to be. to do what i want to do. specially the energy. days go by sin avisar. y siempre hay algo to look forward to. y quiero que pase el tiempo rápido rápido rápido. i want to reach another milestone, and another, and another. y que los días pasen sin avisar. i saw the future on Friday. and it looked AMAZING. i want more of that.

"you know what i was thinking?

2009-04-14T12:27:00.000-06:00

I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker, because it's sweet, which to me suggests cookie, and you can't really put cheese on an animal cracker."

will fast

2009-03-01T21:30:00.002-06:00

for
patience
trust
detachment
love
faith

2009-02-12T22:25:00.004-06:00

i always wondered why she never talked about it. and i never dared to ask. because there are some things that need no explanation. no rationalization. they just don't make sense. and talking about them doesn't really help.
but it's hard because it's still in the back of my mind 24/7. but talking about it brings back unwanted feelings. fear, mostly.
when i was little my mom always told me not to be scared of anything except God. but what if that fear is so huge, so aplastante que te paraliza? que no te deja pensar? i always thought about the future with hope, con impaciencia for all the great things ahead of us. i don't like being scared. because now i know that anything can happen to anyone. and i might not be strong enough.

medianoche

2009-01-28T21:52:00.003-06:00

una de las cosas que me cansa es pretender. lo que pasa por mi cabeza se refleja en mi cara y a veces más específicamente en mis ojos. y aunque desde niños nos entrenan a contestar "bien" cuando alguien te pregunta "¿cómo estás?" a veces se vuelve agotador. especialmente cuando 20 personas te hacen la misma pregunta en el lapso de algunos minutos. pero tampoco tendría sentido no contestar "bien". especialmente cuando esas 20 personas don't actually care. pero la verdad es que una respuesta más elaborada no vale la pena tampoco. tengo la teoría de que la tristeza es igual de necesaria que la alegría. lo que no creo es en la depresión. quizás hablo desde la ignorancia pero encuentro que la depresión es un invento. todos tenemos, en algún momento de la vida, más de una razón para deprimirnos. y no se trata de ignorar las emociones, uno debería aceptar la tristeza. pero hasta ahí queda. uno sigue viviendo... porque hay tantas razones para vivir. me imagino que la depresión nace de la soledad. de no encontrarle sentido a nada. gracias a Dios todo tiene sentido para mi. o quizás decir todo es un tanto exagerado. pero vivir, y todo lo que eso implica, tristezas y alegrías incluidas, tiene sentido.

lo que hice en el verano

2009-01-25T10:10:00.003-06:00

(gran parte del viaje)

(definitivamente la mejor forma de escapar de mis pensamientos)

2008

2009-01-18T12:37:00.002-06:00

a las 3 de la madrugada de la última noche del año, un ruido me despertó. la mitad de un árbol cayó sobre nuestro techo y por una fracción de segundo pensé que era un terremoto. la casa tembló y en seguida sentí sus brazos alrededor mío. flashback a unos meses atrás, cuando sus brazos reaccionaron de la misma forma, pero era de día y el ruido era otro (todavía puedo sentir el olor a metal quemado).

al fin se terminó este año. el año que me trajo una felicidad que nunca antes había sentido y una tristeza que nunca antes había sentido. una nueva forma de soledad también. un año de extremos, sentir que podría haber estado muy cerca de la muerte y en otro momento literalmente llena de vida. y después el vacío. y la tristeza sabe diferente cuando es compartida. y el silencio puede ser la mejor compañía a veces.

me pregunto si Dios está probando esta base que hemos estado construyendo en los últimos 3-4 años. me pregunto si está conforme, espero que le parezca suficientemente firme.

i'm happy -a pesar de todo- y si esto es solo un comienzo, apenas a taste of a real test, i hope i'm ready. i hope we're ready.

el 2008 me deja with a feeling that everything is going to be ok, that we are going to be ok. that no matter how many times we fall, we'll help each other up.

empty

2008-12-21T09:34:00.002-06:00

nunca me hubiera imaginado que podría extrañar tanto a alguien que nunca conocí.

¨home¨

2008-10-17T14:45:00.002-06:00

now that i'm back i've been thinking about my definition of home. growing up, home was our house en lanús, and for a long time, after we left, i felt like i didn't have a home anymore. like part of me was still in argentina... and as the years went by other parts of me were left behind in different places. it takes time to put oneself together, i guess. and finally it happened that i became a whole person again, without feeling so lost and divided between all those places that were part of my past. i was ready to find my way back home. and i found it, almost 4 years ago. now "home" is the two of us together. no matter where.

birthday present

2008-09-16T20:50:00.005-06:00

Hace un mes, 4 flores:

Ahora, 13 flores (en la foto no se ven las de atrás):

lamento boliviano

2008-09-13T22:53:00.003-06:00

porque llega un punto en el que no hay nada más que hacer y lo incomprensible se vuelve más incomprensible aún. porque no tengo fuerzas para nada más que cerrar los ojos y orar sin palabras y cerrar los oidos a las voces de gente que casi nada tienen de gente. porque no quiero juzgar pero no quiero caer en la indiferencia. aunque a veces la indiferencia es el único salvavidas. ojalá se pudiera salvar la inocencia. porque me duele el dolor ajeno -cuando no es autoprovocado-. porque pocas cosas me asustan más que pensar en las próximas generaciones. porque no puede ser. no puede ser. no tiene sentido. y mientras los días pasan las heridas se hacen más profundas y las distancias se hacen más largas. y todo crece. todo crece exagerado. me duelen las mentiras. me duele la ignorancia. me duelen las palabras vacías.

listening

2008-09-13T16:00:00.008-06:00

afortunada . francisca valenzuela

soy tan afortunada de tener

una segunda piel para recorrer,

contigo nacen las caricias y palabras,

nuestra verdad, nuestro lugar.

conozco tu boca como mis manos.

conozco tu mano y la siento mía.

y entre palabras y caricias y miradas infinitas

yo voy a estar

con lo que puedo darte amor es amor.

es que contigo soy yo, sin explicación.

y entre palabras y caricias y miradas infinitas yo voy a estar

con lo que puedo darte amor es amor.

y entre miradas infinitas y momentos difíciles voy a estar

con lo que quiero darte mi amor

es lo que puedo darte amor

es amor.

2008-09-12T09:33:00.002-06:00

que te pongan la película voces inocentes a las 7 de la mañana es un golpe bajo. creo que me deprimió y freakeo por todo el día de ayer. la intención del profe era mostrarnos lo que podría llegar a pasar acá. o sea... muy pesimisticamente hablando. aunque es verdad. pero a la vez no creo que llegue hasta ese punto. espero que no. hoy las cosas están más calmadas. por lo menos así parece porque en la tele siguen hablando de la feria de exposición y siguen con desfiles de lencería como si nada. anoche en medio de la noche me despertó un trueno que sonó fuertísimo e hizo sonar las alarmas de algunos autos. me desperté en seguida y sabía que era un trueno pero me empecé a imaginar que era una bomba. y después sonó otra, y otra, y otra, hasta que me volví a dormir.

y egoísticamente, lo único que pienso es en que american airlines siga con sus vuelos normalmente. hoy en la tarde el presidente y los prefectos se van a reunir. mi odio por todos los políticos cada día crece un poco más. me EMPUTANNNNNNNNNNNN.

2008-08-26T16:28:00.002-06:00

hablando de healthy food, el otro día hice unas "hamburguesas" de soya (un montón) y las congelé. anoche llegué de clase a las 9, muerta de hambre y me hice dos. con tomate y queso encima. YUM. las disfruté mucho.

anoche soñé con el viaje que se viene dentro de un mes. soñé que tenía miedo de llegar tarde al aeropuerto y que alguien me daba un fajo de billetes. después soñé que estaba en una película donde una tipa muy loca nos encerraba en una casa con todas las canillas abiertas (we couldn't close them) y todas las puertas y ventanas cerradas (we couldn't open them) y poco a poco el agua subía y subía y teníamos que idear la forma de salir.

agosto

2008-08-13T22:41:00.003-06:00

p is completely obsessing over the olympics. most days staying up until late hours of the night to watch any and every sport. cuando es mediodía en china. i'm actually starting to enjoy it myself. i feel bad when someone falls down or when someone from a small country does a really crappy job. like getting to the finish line 5 minutes later than everyone else. i do admire athletes. so much determination. you can almost see it in their eyes, but mostly you can see it in their muscles i guess. i wish i had that kind of determination. not only for the muscles though.

i like to make things. i like the feeling of starting something and finishing it. i like to see the results right there and then.

anyway.

estoy más cerca de los 30 que de los 20. that's scary. y no porque me da miedo tener 30. it's scary in the sense that it's still surreal when i think about it. like it's not happening. where does time go?

i was thinking about the things i want to do before i turn 30 and the only thing i could come up with was have a baby or two... hm... i guess the rest are just details.

like they say... if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

happy

2008-08-06T10:13:00.002-06:00

i don't believe in soulmates. pero a veces, deep down, me da la sensación de que tantas coincidencias no pueden ser coincidencias, que quizás si son parte de algo parecido al destino.

i've always had una imaginación muy activa. pero de todas esas imaginaciones solo hay una que sobresale por las demás porque fue quizás la más compartida. y ahora, más de 5 años después i'm so glad it didn't happen. i'm so glad we didn't make it happen. pq al final somos nosotros los que tomamos las decisiones i guess. y un email, una invitación, unas fotos que encuentro por ahí me hacen pensar... what would have happened if...? que diferente sería mi vida... and i'm so happy it's not.

what's my most obsessive thought?

2008-07-27T22:12:00.000-06:00

thank you.

after thoughts

2008-07-27T11:05:00.003-06:00

en el camino de vuelta, repasando lo que acababa de pasar me acordé del último post que puse aquí. how true. y en mi mente vuelvo a repasar una y otra vez como en el medio de las vueltas, totalmente conciente de lo que estaba pasando, sentí su mano agarrando mi cabeza y protegiéndome entre sus brazos. i felt so safe. y lo que podría haber sido algo mucho peor se convirtió en una anécdota, un momento de agradecimiento a Dios.

what's your most obsessive thought?

2008-07-25T21:34:00.003-06:00

hace unos días descubrí commonties. com...
hoy descubrí esto...bastante cursi, i know, but i get it. i understand.

reality

2008-07-19T12:17:00.002-06:00

just as i'm finally inspired to sit down and do some work, i turn on the tv and the hills is on. quizás el error fue prender la tele, pero now i can't to anything about it. i have to watch the hills. what is it with me and "reality" shows?!?!?!? será que mi vida es tan aburrida que me gusta ver las de otra gente? pero la verdad es que al final de cualquiera de esos shows termino agradeciendo i'm me and not them. porque uno ve cada huevada...

some of my favorites: the hills, obvio, the biggest loser, america's next top model, the bachelor, extreme makeover, made, real life, while you were out... and the one that i miss the most desde que no tenemos vh1: flavor of love... oh yeah... haha...

blah

2008-07-16T15:02:00.003-06:00

tengo tres alumnas nuevas de 3 y 4 años que me derriten. después de una hora ya estoy ready to go home, pero la primera hora makes me happy. the best part is when they call me tía, o cuando dicen cosas chistosas, como camila que después de un rato de estar tratando de pegar un pedacito de plastilina en un papel, y viendo como la plastilina se le quedaba pegada en su dedo, dijo muy seriamente: esta plastilina está equivocada.

hoy fue como la quinta entrevista que he hecho y cada vez me pone menos nerviosa. y es emocionante ver las letras impresas, esas que uno mismo escribió. en unos días...

estoy cansada de estar cansada. quiero dormir unos tres días seguidos. pero también estoy disfrutando de lo que estoy haciendo.

cuteness

2008-06-23T09:35:00.002-06:00

on the way to the movies... franco whispers something to seby

seby: franco says he wants popcorn!

franco: i didn't say that... but yes, i want it.

blah

2008-06-21T16:55:00.003-06:00

una de las cosas más cursis que me han dicho en los últimos tiempo fue cuando mi hermana mayor, escuchandome hablar de mi casa y las huevadas que quería o quiero comprar para meter en ella, dijo que yo estaba "nesting"... que palabra/idea tan cursi. me imagino un pajarito juntándo sus ramitas... todo muy cute... is that me? ha! i guess por un lado es verdad, pero por otro es TAN no-verdad. porque a veces lo último en lo que quiero pensar es en baby-proof stuff y esas cosas. y no se trata de estar ready o no, al final quién puede decir que está 100% ready? se trata más bien de no querer give up this life. the one i have now. the one we have right now. does that sound selfish? it does to me. pero como siempre, todos estamos entre medio. tratando de encontrar el balance entre dos extremos y perdernos o encontrarnos entre tantos diferentes shades de gris. ni lo uno ni lo otro, una mezcla. o ambos at the same time. somos seres espirituales y materiales, tenemos un lado femenino y uno masculino. y también tengo esta niña y esta adulta que no se deciden. no quiero crecer, pero es lo natural. no quiero madurar, pero cómo ir en contra de la naturaleza? y todavía sigo vistiéndome igual que lo hacía a los 15. y sigo entreteniendome con tonteras. y aún me siento una farzante cuando hago cosas de adultos. como manejar el auto o pagar rent. y todavía me molesta cuando un extraño me llama "señora"... a pesar de que cada vez lo escucho más seguido.

fragmento de itinerarios

2008-06-18T23:38:00.000-06:00

De pronto cuando voy andando
sale de pronto de algún sitio
un olor a piedra o a lluvia,
algo infinitamente puro
que sube yo no se de donde
y me conversa sin palabras,
y yo reconozco la boca
que no está allí, que sigue hablando.
Busco de donde es ese aroma,
de qué ciudad, de qué camino.
Sé que alguien me está buscando
alguien perdido en las tinieblas.
Y no se, si alguien me ha besado,
qué significan esos besos.

Pablo Neruda

whatever

2008-06-18T07:57:00.002-06:00

i don't make friends easily. i don't chit-chat about the weather and the weekend with friends. and i'm used to having a lot of acquaintances (first time i ever use that word) but only a few friends. and going from A to B takes a long time. so going back from B to A should take a long time. and it has actually, so i'm not surprised.

la mayoría del tiempo se me olvida, pero esos segundos en que me acuerdo, debo reconocer que me emputa. o quizás no me emputa tanto a esta altura. creo que me duele un poco más de lo que me emputa. y haberlo verbalizado didn't help tampoco. pero i keep repeating WHATEVER... because i don't care anymore. i don't have the time or energy to care. and i think there are more important things than fake friendships to care for. the thing is... this hasn't happened to me before, so i'm learning how to deal with it. and it might sound so exagerado pero that's the way it is right now. trying to adjust to being back to A.

ahora

2008-06-12T18:39:00.003-06:00

me pregunto si soy yo la que no entiende a ella, o ella no me entiende a mi. o quizás no pasa por entenderse at all. a veces pareciera que estamos tratando de compartir ideas sobre un libro del que sólo leímos un capítulo. y no es el mismo.

ahora la soledad tiene un sabor diferente, otra cara, otro color. y no duele, at all.

ahora es solo la sensación de no encajar en el esquema. ese que ella dibuja para mi. y trato de encojerme o agrandarme, dependiendo del momento, pero aún así no me puedo acomodar. y las palabras me sobran o me faltan, digo cosas estúpidas o no digo nada. me vuelvo a sentir insegura, casi como una adolescente frente a un crush.

(lo que me preocupa es que cada vez me preocupa menos)

23

2008-06-11T23:06:00.002-06:00

"Beauty is a fairy;
sometimes she hides herself in a flower-cup,
or under a leaf,
or creeps into the old ivy,
and plays hide-and-seek with the sunbeams,
or haunts some ruined spot,
or laughs out of a bright young face."
~ George Augustus Henry Sala

la mañana de mi cumpleaños número 23, me despertó con un desayuno de manzanas verdes, pan y queso. y flores como estas en el centro de la mesa. (él sabía cuánto me gustaban).

¿?

2008-06-10T18:12:00.002-06:00

¿cómo elegir un nombre?
¿cómo reconocer el momento perfecto?
¿cómo callar los instintos?
¿cómo vencer el los miedos?
¿cómo olvidar los contra?
¿cómo olvidarse de uno?
¿cómo priorizar?
¿cómo sentirse capaz?
¿cómo esperar?
¿cómo crecer?

2008-06-10T18:02:00.004-06:00

¿Qué pasó con los
sueños
que dejaste abandonados / quietos / huérfanos?

¿Qué hiciste con los miles de pájaros
que volaban en tu cielo?

¿Qué fue de las ideas / la falta de miedo?

¿Por qué vaciaste el vacío
otra vez?

quesos, cosas, casas

2008-06-08T13:40:00.002-06:00

a los 13 decoré mi cuarto con posters de new kids on the block. a los 15, luis miguel. a los 16, cuando me fuí, tenía una pared llena de fotos y recuerdos de lo que dejé. como una camiseta de boca que me regaló diego, aunque yo decía que era de river. decía que era de river porque el chico que me gustaba era de river. pero diego era mi mejor amigo, asi que cuando me regaló su camiseta de boca, una camiseta vieja y usada por él desde sus 8 años, no me importó que no fuera de river. también me acuerdo de una frase de neruda, "es tan corto el amor y tan largo el olvido". la escribí en letras grandes y la colgué en la pared. y no me importó que fuera tan cursi porque nadie hablaba español. y si me preguntaban que decía cambiaba de tema. en santiago también pegué fotos de mis amigos, de mi familia, de mi sobrino que aún no conocía. y aún tenía la manía de guardar todo. tarjetas, envoltorios de golosinas, cartas, fotos, cosas que me recordaban a alguien o a algún momento. siempre me gustaron las mudanzas. reacomodarme a un lugar nuevo. volver a colgar las mismas fotos, o colgar unas diferentes, más recientes. abrir cajas y otra vez acomodar las cosas. encontrar el lugar perfecto para cada una de ellas. siempre me ha gustado la sensación de volver a casa.

back

2008-06-07T15:17:00.002-06:00

sábado en la tarde y al fin puedo sentarme un rato y escribir un poco sin sentirme culpable. ya casi se termina el semestre que se me ha hecho eterno. solo 2 exámenes más y 2 trabajos más. :)

la tele está prendida y no me puedo concentrar! están pasando "mutantes de la naturaleza"... hay un chanchito con 1 cuerpo pero 2 bocas, 3 ojos, 2 cerebros y 2 esófagos. pero sólo vivió 1 año y medio. :S y hay unas tortuguitas de 2 cabezas que se ven muy cute. las ranas con muchas patas NO son cute. EW, los gatos pelados son lo MENOS cute del mundo.

anyway... resumen de mayo:
-cambio de casa.
-visita de nava.
-algunos cumples: franco, lail, nadia.
-llegó mi mami!

santa cruz tiene, definitivamente, mi segundo cielo favorito. después de new mexico, que en los 2 meses que estuve vi los atardeceres más increibles. lo que me fascina del cielo de santa cruz son las nubes. a veces dan ganas de comerselas. (?)

se viene... se viene...

2008-05-29T20:46:00.001-06:00

se supone que en menos de 5 días ya tendremos internet en casa. hopefully.

llueve sobre mojado

2008-04-29T08:48:00.003-06:00

pensando en temas de identidad, de third culture kids y esas cosas... me acordé, de la nada, de dos comentarios que si después de 10 años todavía los recuerdo, por algo será...

1. tenía 15 años. clase de english as a second language, tratando de hacerme amiga de los latinos pero no nos entendíamos muy bien, haciendome más amiga de una chica persa y una koreana, hasta que encontré un grupo de argentinas que fueron mis amigas por 5 meses. un día, esperando a que llegue la profesora me puse a conversar con una chica mexicana. yo tenía puesta una falda y ella me miró las piernas y me preguntó si me ponía talco para que se vean así de blancas. ¿¿¿¿QUÉ???? No se con que cara la habré mirado, pero me acuerdo pensar... ¿Por qué haría eso?¿por qué quisiera ser algo que no soy? yo no quiero ser gringa, ni blanca, ni nada que no soy. pero quizás si lo soy? un poco?

2. 6 meses después. maxwell. salimos de una clase de english en la que habiamos hablado sobre una de las palabras ocultas. nos entregaron un examen y tenía mejor nota que una compañera (que solo hablaba inglés), salimos de clase y estabamos conversando y me preguntó si pretendía tener acento latino para parecer más cute. WHAT?!!?!?!?!? ¿Por qué haría eso? Obviamente preferiría no tener acento. o si?

missing

2008-04-24T06:29:00.002-06:00

a veces es una foto o un comentario o un recuerdo que vuelve. y tantas ganas de estar cerca. porque aunque la cercanía física es la menos importante, me hace falta sentir con todos los sentidos. el perfume a rosas, el sonido de los árboles y el viento, la alfombra debajo de mis pies descalzos. las manos abiertas y el corazón en paz. home sweet home.

cuaderno viejo .2004.

2008-04-18T10:32:00.000-06:00

A veces te querés quedar pero te vas. O querés dar un abrazo y te metés las manos en los bolsillos. En vez de hablar te callás y te tragás las palabras y los besos que te morís por dar. Y si es que un dìa volvés, y por fin te animás a abrazar, hablar y besar, igual te volvés a ir sabiendo que te queres quedar.

twice a week

2008-04-18T10:19:00.002-06:00

-me irrita su peinado, ese jopo ochentero y el kilo de gel que se pone.
-me emputa esa sonrisa que pone después de haber dicho una frase que el cree muy inteligente.
-me enervan sus preguntas "capciosas".
-me cabrea su voz de locutor de radio pueblerina.

i try though... i try really hard para que no se de cuenta.

querías un post dedicado a vos?

2008-04-11T16:57:00.005-06:00

aún no olvido:

-cuando nos pusimos a dar vueltas en talca por todo el instituto molestando a la gente. creo que las dos nos sentimos re fish cuando fuimos afuera y como que habian puras parejas hechadas en el pasto y después nos pusimos a inventarles canciones a todos y ali nos hizo una a nosotras.

-el momento en que me di cuenta que ya no me caias mal.

-cuando te encontré en cordoba y pasamos toda la escuela de verano juntas.

-el día que salimos a andar en tu auto cuando apenas habías aprendido a manejar y fuimos a wal mart y a la salida el auto NO PRENDIA. y fuimos al soup and salad en pijamas y pantuflas. y lei se re enojo con vos por salir sin licencia y sin seguro.

-la vez que estabamos hablando de tampones y dijiste que usar tampones era como masturbarse (?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?)

-el día que nos pusimos a dibujar hechadas en el piso de la casa de new mexico.

-el día que me quede a dormir en tu casa en haifa y cuando me desperté me habías dejado una notita cute.

es lo que hay

2008-04-09T22:30:00.005-06:00

esta sensación de que falta algo, cuando quizás la verdad es que algo sobra, está de más, ocupando el espacio que ocuparían otras cosas (más bonitas/simples/importantes). falta de meaning en lo que hago. y la recurrente sensación de que necesito crear(?) -recrearme-

estoy ausente most of the times. me falta/me sobra. nunca good enough. nada es good enough. siempre hay algo que no hay, que no puedo dar, ni inventar.

blackbird

2008-04-08T17:27:00.004-06:00

hoy mi profe, uno de esos que i actually respect y no uno de los que a veces me dan ganas de pegar un grito en medio de la clase, tirarles un libro a la cabeza y salir corriendo (no exagero), me dijo que cree que tengo talento para escribir, según el, algo que es innato. y no pude evitar una sonrisa. por un lado (sin querer darmela de humilde) me parece que nada que ver, que quizás si tengo un buen nivel de redacción cuando quiero pero nada más. y nunca lo vi como una opción o algo por desarrollar, y quizás nunca le ponga el esfuerzo y nunca desarrolle nada. pero, por otro lado, pensándolo bien, escribir es algo que siempre ha sido parte de mis días. desde los típicos diarios intimos que comenzaron con "hoy fui a tal lugar y vi a tal persona" y que ahora sigo teniendolos pero más abstractos y menos exactos. y una pequeña colección de textos que la verdad pueden ser absurdos e ilógicos pero que si tienen sentido para mi, y cumplieron su propósito con el solo hecho de sacarmelos de la cabeza y ponerlos en un papel sin necesidad de que nadie más los lea. y aunque se siente bien que alguien piense eso de mi, a la vez creo que tenga o no tenga razón eso llega a ser secundario. porque no importa si no se da y nunca llegue a comer de lo que escribo, porque lo más probable es que seguiré haciendolo anyway. simplemente porque se siente bien.

dios santo qué bello abril

2008-04-04T09:21:00.005-06:00

abril siempre fue anuncio de otoño. me cae bien. es como entrar definitivamente al año nuevo. dejar atrás de una vez el verano y los recuerdos que nos dejó. abril me sabe como a te o pan caliente. a un poco de lluvia.

ayer no podía creer que ya era jueves, qué rápido se pasó la semana. después me di cuenta que quizás fue porque no fui a clase en toda la semana. bueno, estaba enferma y ocupada y siempre uno puede encontrar excusas para todo. a veces me cuesta creer que ya soy adulta. a veces creo que necesito una mamá que me diga qué hacer o dejar de hacer. mi mamá nunca fue asi. gracias a dios.

mejor escucho a fito...

dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril sos vos
nos pasan tantas cosas en la vida
que si aparece el sol hay que dejarlo pasar
abril otra vez
para que no tengamos soledad

dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril sos vos
y las violetas que coronan tu tristeza
y las guirnaldas de tu inmensa soledad
sos tan hermosa que jamás vas a dejar de brillar así
aquí o allá
sos parecida a los planetas que se mueven por ahí
que no podés parar ya nunca de girar
dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril
dios santo qué bello abril, qué bello abril, qué bello abril
para que no tengamos soledad
para que no tengamos nunca más soledad

a mi tampoco

2008-03-31T18:07:00.004-06:00

"...
No me gusta
la casa sin tejado,
la ventana sin vidrios.
No me gusta
el día sin trabajo,
ni la noche sin sueño.
No me gusta
el hombre
sin mujer,
ni la mujer
sin hombre..."

P. Neruda.

formula para un buen fin de semana

2008-03-31T07:38:00.004-06:00

pasar tiempo con mi sobrino,
llorar de la risa con sus caras y sus imitaciones de mi,
dormir como 3 horas con el encima mio (y hay pocas cosas más hermosas que un bebé durmiendo),
churrasco con amigos y jugar mafia (o cualquier otro juego sirve),
facilitar un circulo de estudio,
salir de compras (ropaamericana, of course),
almorzar rico y conversar largo y por fin decir las cosas que uno hace tiempo quería decir,
dormir siesta,
jugar cartas,
andar en auto (elnuestro),
y conversar más
y descubrir más
y compartir más
y finalmente agradecer por la gente que me rodea.

casi abril

2008-03-27T09:19:00.005-06:00

Inspirada por los book clubs que se formaron por acá decidí remplazar Patito Feo y cualquier novela tonta que me quedo mirando cuando no tengo otra cosa mas importante que hacer o cuando estoy procastinando, por la lectura. La idea es leer una novela cada dos semanas (más o menos), asi que fui a la biblioteca de la U puse "novela" y a ver que salía. Quería leer de alguien latinoamericano, y me llamó la atención el titulo "no me esperen en abril" de adolfo bryce echenique. especialmente pq abril siempre me pareció un mes asi como diferente, como medio melancólico por alguna razón. la cuestión es que leyendo esta novela me vino un flashback del pasado que se me había olvidado o que lo había mandado al fondo de mi memoria. "no me esperen en abril" empieza contando la historia de un adolescente medio raro (que adolescente no es raro?) que en un verano conoce una chica y se enamora. anyway, ahi me acordé de cuando yo tenía más o menos 13 años y quería escribir una novela. me acuerdo tal cual la emoción de agarrar un cuaderno viejo y arrancarle las hojas usadas para poder usar las que quedaban en blanco. conté las hojas y quedaban como unas 50. y me dije, bueno, por ser una primera novela no importa que solo tenga 50 paginas. y me acuerdo que empece a escribir la historia de tres amigas que vivían en un pueblo perdido de buenos aires y que un verano llegaba un chico "de la capital" y las tres amigas se enamoraban de el... muy cursi, muy obvio. me acuerdo de algunos detalles, como que una de las chicas se llamaba Julieta, y que siempre se juntaban en una fuente en la plaza.

2 preguntas

2008-03-19T11:23:00.002-06:00

1) no, el sillón no lo dibuje yo, me lo encontré por ahi y me encantó. y creo que se parece a algo que dibujaría yo, pero es más bonito... :)

2) cosas que si tuve y me gustaría que mis hijos también tengan (además de lo obvio):

·hermanas (o hermanos, 3 o más) ;)
·una casa grande donde jugar
·un perro (pero ojalá uno no tan depresivo, pobrecito)
·viajes
·familia espiritual / comunidad
·mucha gente viniendo a cenar a casa
·colegio pequeño
·libros
·juegos de mesa

no se me ocurre nada más...

gente II

2008-03-15T10:24:00.001-06:00

algunas personas están llenas de palabras
pero vacías de ideas o inspiración

algunas personas hablan mucho
y no dicen nada

otros oyen pero no escuchan

y quizás lo único que hago yo
es soñar

sueño

2008-03-14T06:10:00.002-06:00

había mucha gente sobre una colina, era la inauguración del templo de chile. habían muchas personas de diferentes países con sus trajes típicos y todos estaban felices. en un momento me emocioné y me puse a llorar, pero no un llanto que pase desapercibido, uno bastante ruidoso. en especial cuando alguien quería que posemos para una foto, yo sentí que estaban arruinando el espiritu del evento y me dieron más ganas de llorar. de repente una de las personas que estaba en la organización me dice que Shoghi Effendi ya había llegado. Me sequé las lágrimas y me fui caminando hacia la sede de la Casa Universal de Justicia. Cuando entré no había nadie, apenas la luz del sol entrando por las ventanas y el aire muy quieto, todo en silencio. Caminé unos pasos más hacia la habitación donde se encontraba el Guardián y espié por la ventana. Solo pude ver una parte del escritorio y su mano moviendose sobre el papel, escribiendo algo. Parecia que tenía puesto una armadura, y cuando me fije en su mano tenia pequeñas heridas. Sin querer hice un ruido y su mano se detuvo. En seguida me fui rápido hacia el fondo de la sala. En ese momento entraron algunas personas para acomodar las sillas y en unos minutos más la sala estaba llena. Yo me senté en la primera fila, esperando ansiosamente la charla del Guardián. Por alguna razón entraron una mujer y un hombre e hicieron un sketch cómico, todos estaban riéndo y disfrutando. a mi me pareció muy largo, quería que empiece la charla. después de que la mujer y el hombre se fueron, entró Shoghi Effendi sonriendo y comenzó su charla. inmediatamente me fijé en sus manos, y vi otra vez sus pequeñas heridas. durante toda la charla estaba concentradisima pensando que quería acordarme de todo lo que el decía, pero ahora no me acuerdo ni una sola palabra.

gente

2008-03-12T12:54:00.001-06:00

es un poco de envidia lo que me dan las personas que han nacido y vivido toda su vida en el mismo lugar, al rededor de las mismas personas. me acuerdo cuando recién llegué a scz y había una señora que cada vez que me veía me recordaba que ella me conoció en la panza de mi mamá. es bonito saber que hay testigos de tu paso por el mundo, de tu desarrollo como persona, de bebé a niña, de niña a joven, de joven a mujer (que cursi)... pero al mismo tiempo creo no solo es envidia lo que me dan, sino que también una mínima parte de desconfianza. suena negativo. pero tengo la leve sospecha de que el mundo es otro desde sus ojos. que quizás está un poco incompleto.

cuando yo era chica...!

2008-03-11T18:35:00.000-06:00

Hoy mientras volvía del trabajo me quede pensando en una de mis alumnas que hoy se apareció con un ipod y se creía muy cool. me acordé de otra alumna que a los 8 años estaba en un curso de modelo y siempre estaba tratando de acortarse su falda. que pena que la infancia dure tan poco ahora. que pena que la inocencia se pierda tan rápido. y después me dio nostalgia de los días del colegio, de no tener preocupaciones, de no tener grandes responsabilidades. y casi llegando a la esquina de mi casa, frente a la cancha, habían 2 niñas de unos 10 años dibujando la vereda con tizas de colores. y de ahi me puse a pensar que suerte que en unos años yo voy a ser testigo y por lo menos actriz secundaria de otras infancias. las que van a nacer de mi, algún dìa. y aunque mi infancia fue feliz y tranquila, repase mentalmente una lista de cosas que si me faltaron, pero que no quiero que le falte a mis hijos/as cuando estén creciendo:
·trepar árboles
·juntar frutas frescas y comerlas directamente del árbol (naranjas amargas no cuentan)
·más juegos al aire libre
·andar en bicicleta a cualquier hora
·jugar con primos/as
·pasar tiempo con abuelos/as
·música
·mar

:/

2008-03-09T16:45:00.002-06:00

estos ultimos días han sido bastante dificiles. i feel like my body is really not happy with me and it's trying to let me know something... pero no le entiendo. el viernes me desperté con un dolor de cabeza que no me dejaba pensar ni moverme ni nada. todo el sabado el dolor de cabeza siguió conmigo, pensé que era des-hidratación (sp?) asi que tomé agua durante todo el día, no ayuné y me la pasé tomando paracetamol. nada. no se iba. last night como a las 12 me desperté con dolor de muelas que me llegaba hasta los oidos. todo el día de hoy me lo he estado aguantando, hasta que recién acabo de romper el ayuno y me tomé una pastilla que supuestamente es bien fuerte. i hope it doesn´t make me sleepy pq tengo q estudiar para un examen que tengo mañana. no se... me siento tan débil y no se que hacer. el mes anterior cambié muchos de mis hábitos, dejé el azucar, tomaba más de 2 litros de agua por día, empece a comer mucho mas saludable de lo que estaba acostumbrada. y pensé que era una buena práctica para el ayuno, pero creo q mi cuerpo no lo vio así, quiere sus 2 litros de agua por día, durante todo el día. quizás fue una buena práctica para mi mente, pero físicamente quizás es demasiado. además dejé de fumar. son muchos cambios y creo q mi cuerpo ya no da más. no se que hacer. quizás debería ir a un doctor.

entre medio

2008-03-04T23:26:00.002-06:00

"The angel is free because of his knowledge,
the beast because of his igorance.
Between the two remains the son of man
to struggle."

-Rumi

se agradece

2008-03-04T18:16:00.002-06:00

the rain
our purple sheets
a clean house
the red and blue mugs
hot tea
his food
board games
friends
fruits
mp3 players
weekends
nephews
internet
the smell of coffee
hugs
words
not smoking
colored pens
the fast

(gracias por existir)

resumen de las vacaciones

2008-02-20T19:47:00.012-06:00

after having to buy our way out of the country (as in we had to buy un certificado de fiebre amarilla) we were finally allowed on the plane to Costa Rica...

after a couple of days we made our way to the most amazing place on Earth and stayed there for 9 days...

2 weeks in the states...

(christmas morning)

back to Costa Rica...
rock band / karaoke

playaaaaaaaaa

and.... back "home"

y aunque hemos estado de vuelta casi 1 mes todavía no he vuelto del todo.

the party!!

2007-08-20T13:44:00.001-06:00

Before the party... Paul and Vadi setting up our money and chips and games...

setting up the food...

Un brindis with the organizing crew / people who came early...
Paul, Laila, Guichi, Carol, Nadia, yo, Vadi.

Some very exclusive guests, of course...

Laila getting very excited about winning and drinking Spritini

Chipi encontró su verdadera vocación...

The games...

KARAOKEEE

Can you tell how much fun it was???? :D:D