sometimes i miss so many things i wouldn't know where to start when trying to make a mental list (because i don't want to forget them).
must be so strange being 80 years old and looking back at your life... trying to remember things that happened so long ago you can't be sure if they actually happened or if they're memories made up or completely transformed by time.
i can hardly believe i'm already 30 and although i'm completely happy with my life right now some days i miss being young, careless, free, daydreaming about the future, with so many possibilities ahead of me.
i know one day i'll look back and i'll miss these days... being completely and utterly loved by my little son who is always asking where i am, being woken up in the middle of the night by little footsteps walking to my room, a little body crawling up to my bed, and little fingers reaching for my face.
it's always like this, once a month i get all sensitive and melancholic. wanting space one minute, and hugs the next ("family cuddle time")...
i miss the cities where i've lived and how i felt in each one of them. sometimes lost, sometimes in love, sometimes lonely, sometimes loved...
i miss some friendships that are gone. i miss having time. i miss traveling light. i miss going to the movies alone. i miss wondering what's next.
i know it sounds like i'm bored with my life... and maybe i am a little. but the truth is my life is not mine anymore, at least for a while... and it's not a bad thing. priorities change. dreams and goals change. i change. we all change.
soon we'll be celebrating his third birthday. december will always be a happy month for me, but i'll always remember the little baby we lost four years ago in december. and for the longest time i couldn't talk about it or even think about it because it made me so sad.
a friend went through a miscarriage recently and i realized i finally made peace with what happened because if it hadn't kian wouldn't exist. and i'm not choosing one baby over the other, i just can't imagine life without kian. there was a reason behind it. and i know there's a little soul out there looking out for us...
i need to go to sleep now, but not before watching some cheesy show to make me feel better about my life :p
yo no tengo un baby, pero igual extrano esa sensacion de sonar y planificar por un futuro ideal y maravilloso... y tb extrano lugares y personas...
siempre he dicho que la nostalgia es una sensacion que buscamos y que nos gusta tener, porque de cierta manera nos recuerda que hemos tenido una buena vida, y miramos hacia atras queriendo volver porque ha sido tan maravillosa...
no hay nada como un cafe en un dia de lluvia recordando el pasado.. beijinhos.