if i believed in reincarnation i would think that i was a musician in a past life. i recently started listening to music again. actually listening. while i'm on the bus going to work. while i'm on the bus coming back from work. and during the short walks to the bus stop. i hadn't done that in so long. just listen. and it's funny how i can listen to different types of music and they all make feel something different. and sometimes i feel the urge to get up and start dancing, but i never do because people on the bus would look at me weird.
i fell in love with a musician once. and although he was a great person and a good friend, i know now that it was the music that made me fall for him. it was the power he had in his hands  and the effect that his music had in my soul. i know now that that's not enough to sustain a relationship, specially not a marriage. but it is definitely something that's important to me. to listen to music that lifts my spirit up, that make me feel alive.
for years i had songs that talked to me, that told the same story i was going through or at least part of it. happy stories and stories of heartbreaks, stories that reminded me of friendships, of adventures, of good times and bad times. and i listen to those songs now and it's like i'm traveling back in time. feeling all those same feelings all over again. i want to find songs that talk to me now. that tell the story i'm living now. that tell of the challenges and the happiness that being a mother brings. that talk about how lucky i feel to have found a soul mate, and to have created a human being together. that describe the feeling i get when my son looks at me and it's just love in its purest form.
for some reason, those songs are hard to find. if i was a musician i would write them.